'In the garden my soul is sunshine'

I wish I could wake up feeling this way for the rest of my living
Such amazing people with amazing words
Their words stream through me like a river without a sound
As nature sings it's love song I dive into it
Hoping to get lost in all it's sounds and warmheartedness
I feel as if the moon took role of the sun
As if I slept with the moon warming my heart for this day
The life we live
Is not meant to be a cage being kept in
Birds fly freely as we roam aimlessly below them
How are we to know if birds fly with an aim?
Maybe they fly for the love of the feeling
The feeling of falling
But being able to save themselves

I love the feeling of falling
As I fall I don't consider where I may be after
Will I be heartbroken? Strong? Comforted? At peace?
Fall for the joy
Fall for the sound
Fall for the feeling of living & being alive.

Today I was in the backseat of my parents car, plugged into my iPod, completely disconnected from the world around me. Until we passed a graveyard on our way home. I noticed a lady, around middle aged, getting out of her car with a bouquet of flowers. My face suddenly fell as I gazed past her & focused on the emptiness of the cemetery. It made me wonder a lot of things. Things about what's to come in my short life. It made me want to try and figure out this strangers purpose. & I didn't want to forget about the things I wondered.
After passing her my mind began to wonder. I looked to the sky. Knowing that her loved one she was visiting is somewhere up there. It was a nice day as far as temperature but a very clear sky. There was just something beautiful about it.
I thought about my family. I wondered if that'd be me one day and if it was right to be thinking about things like this at such a young age. A time where this isn't suppose to cross my mind. At least, that's how I feel. I should be enjoying the people in my life instead of wondering how life will change once they're gone forever and just having the hope of them watching me from that clear, blue sky. Then I rethought that. What's wrong with thinking about what's to come? It's life and we're free to think about whatever it is about it. Because we're living it.
I wondered if she regretted anything about that person. If she regretted saying too much, or too little. I thought about how I lose my grip on my patience sometimes with those who are around me. Will I regret the things I say to those people, once they're gone?
As of now, I don't think that's living at all.
The past cant be erased. The future is written behind stone.
When the future comes, the stone will erode & be visible to the human eye.
God is watching you from above, looking behind the stone at what He wrote for you.

Today is just one of those days.
It's clear to me.
I feel all these different topics and issues and types of inspiration floating around my head. It's almost as if I have tons and tons of different souls inside of me. Wanting to burst out. Burst out to sing and dance among the wild world they are held captive from. I feel as if I take in so much information on a daily basis but I struggle to hold my grip on it, to share with that wild world on the outside.
Some people are truly amazing in ways that I don't even understand sometimes. Some people are just clearly born to simply enlighten and strengthen those around them. They have such an unfailing love for life and such a peaceful state of mind. In most aspects, I have love for them.
Like on a cloudy day, the sun isn't too visible.
But still, the sun is striving to wrap it's arms around us.
It's showing somewhere else.
Giving hope and giving off it's loving warmth to other people.
Maybe we'll get the moon.
Maybe we just have to wait for the sun to come back to us
While the moon is giving us a source of light in darkness

I lay in my bed and wonder what makes us all the same. I wonder why so many people want to be like others & I wonder why some of those who are different, try so hard. We're all living in this crisp aired sphere of loneliness and sympathy. As I walk out of my school, I wonder why it was a struggle to make it through the day without falling over. If I had the ability to go anywhere and do anything, where would I go? & what would await me there? What would I learn? & who would teach me?
These are the things that take a hold of me and take me under on such times of wonder.

I can see beauty everywhere. I see it even in the ugliest of places and the ugliest of times. To me, there is always meant to be beauty in the things surrounding us. Even if what is surrounding us is trying to take a hold of us for the worst, we always find that outlet. & through that outlet is how we learn. & what we learn, is what is held close within us.
Almost as if all our mistakes & past memories are stored in a box and under lock and key. Stored in the deepest of the darkest parts of our soul, for no one to see but us. A box filled with the good and bad, scary and sad. Things we, at one time, wished would be filtered out of our drowsy minds for good. Then maybe getting struck by a wave of regret for ever thinking about something so precious being taken away. Such things as this would cause chaos of the mind for many.

I wish sometimes, that the way we viewed life was exactly how we lived it.
Days keep slipping away & all we do is watch them and try to forget.
One day all the hidden treasures
Under lock and key
Will be released and free
For that wild world outside, to see.

As the horizon is slowly fading
As the water is quickly rising
Above my head is the place I miss
That place with our names written in the clouds
We had the whole sky to be placed in
But our names were together in the sky alone
Waiting upon our moment of sorrow and pain
With our skies seperated, one being the same
Stormy and clear, full of shame
My greatest fear
Unraveled and let lose
Free into the atmosphere without me

I see behind your pain
I see behind your shame
Like the sound of shattered glass
I hear your heart breaking
With the sound of your humble words,
I hear your voice shaking
All is powerless
All is kind
For you I will keep in mind
How love conquers us all
Trapping us in its tightly locked cage
Forever knowing that there's a curiosity behind each stare
A confession behind each glare
With the weight of the world upon two hills
The two that view will always see, but never expose what they're hiding
If even the slightest get close to that boundary, washes fear through a humans bones.
Bones so brittle and broken, will be touched and healed.
Eventually that world will see beauty and love behind the two that view and see, but never expose what's hidden.

I'm still fighting when I need to fight.
Hoping for progress.
Some change.
Some light.

Determination is something I need more of.

Like an oaktree
Freshly blooming,
Freshly growing, extending for the whole world to seek.
Through the dawn and the darkness it is living on for us to see.
For us to watch what it may encounter
What it may endure.
Through unfair weather, keeping strong. For it is home to many.
The only place where peace is left for shaken and breaking hearts.
For these hearts run to the only thing left standing.
All for them to escape to without question, guilt or pain.
It's painless, steady drift lives until renewal finds it's way one day.


Faith will strengthen you to begin to form the building block of your dreams <3

With racing thoughts & shaking hands
She wonders what's it's like to breath again
What it's like to feel the air medicate her weak longs one more time

Falling to her knees
Down to the ground
Her eyes then shut, without a sound

Hands outstretched to that unclear stormy sky
That she has been trying to dance away
Without question
A part of her wants it to stay.


She needs to know you're there
She needs to know you care

Her heart maybe cold now
But beneath your wings, she'll receive your warmth.
That everlasting comfort in your loving arms.

It seems like I'm trapped in my own head at times.
Not being able to get out of this mess I have resting upon my shoulders.

My life is not taking a turn for the worse or for the better, even it seems.
I just keep learning. Trying to soak all I can in. Discovering. Observing. Loving on what I can.

It feels like the walls I've been building are rising up higher and higher.
Trapping me behind all I'm showed to view

Here comes the sun
Here comes the rain
What is left to remain
The same.

Why do we wait for the rain
Why don't we dance in the storm
Why not when we fall just make it part of the routine

All of our minds wrapped around something constant
Ignoring all the surroundings put in front of our face for different reasoning

Breathe and learn to capture.

As I look towards the morning sky, I wonder.
Am I worthy of this view?

As I look towards the night sky,  I wonder.
Will I run one day like the sun ran from the moon?
Hiding from all darkness.
Waiting for the stars to stop twinkling
So the powerful sphere of fire can breathe again.

Electric sun keep shining on.

Will this time run out?
Will we be left in doubt
Involving You.
The Savior of my soul.
The love I have yet to endure, forever.

The moon so high
My chest so tight.
I need You here with me tonight

Pleasure turns to the pain
lessons learned from the strain
questions burned in my brain..
about whether love is humane
in its touch.
these thoughts are like salmon swimming upstream
in the tears of your deceit.
fighting the current hurt that kills more than is created by the chaos
of our intertwined emotions.
chaotic because the anchor of Erros' arrow has been plucked
from the vessel of my undying infatuation
separation not as simple as the distance between us
my mind no longer possessed by demons
that have been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies
the seeds of these lies rooted so deeply
they have cracked the foundation of what we once shared
allowing the faith in us i had sealed inside
to gush out like a river
ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts
as violently and as brutally as if it were a child
being taken from its mothers arms
im left surrounded in darkness
but i refuse to be swallowed by it
my lonliness like the night air
invisible to the eye
obvious to the touch
it is cold uncomfortableness
yet if i could do it all over again
id do it in the same skin im in
to lay down and let love die
just stay down and let love lie?
no, no..not i
id stay around and let love fly
even though i have seen its darkest form
deceit
nothing else could taste this warm
or feel this sweet...

Sometimes the things unexpected can be the best kind of inspiration.

I think I should set some goals.
Since my mind is pretty tangled around everything in my life.

Little things can change your perspective.
Even if your eyes aren't open wide enough to see it every time.

It's weird how much you can realize in a day once you open your eyes a little more.
Or open your mind a little wider than it's use to.

I don't know. A lot's been going through my mind the last few days. It's incredible. I seem to have a good way of changing my perspective on things to match how other people see things or where they may stand when it comes to opinions.

I've been thinking mostly about the future though.
I think I was honestly so excited for a change in my own life, that I wasn't exactly preparing for it.
Almost like I knew change was gonna hit me, but when I least expected it. Which, to me is like the best timing.
Whether it's good or bad change. If we knew things were going to change before it did, we'd either dwell on it or suck the excitement out of it.

I've been thinking a lot about what I should do.
Honestly when I'm older.
I use to get mad when teachers would make a big deal about it but now, they don't force things on you as much.
Which makes me think a lot more.

I honestly, don't care what I'm doing when I 'grow up'.
Just as long as I'm happy and helping people around me.

That's really all I wanna do.

The way I see it, most people don't understand how much more happier they can be.
You are given what you're given to be happy.
If you're not given all you want, you were given it because that's all you need to be truly happy.
The perspectives of most people never change because they think that's how everyone else sees it.
Let your mind blossom into more of a garden.
More of a heaven.
Since what you have right now, that you're not happy with, could get taken away.
Leaving you with nothing by hope.
When hope is really all we need to be happy.